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Last week was supposed to be easy, doing the errands, writing, amusing my son and visiting family and then on Thursday I was supposed to go to Paris! The visit was planned in advance, I had a ‘maybe’ coffee date with someone who I wanted to meet for a while, a romantic dinner booked, a ‘date’ with friends whom I haven’t seen for ages and a ballet evening with Baryshnikov (who I adore and the post on which I will write separately)….But as always, life had other ideas…..

The trip had to be cancelled and a trip to the hospital had to be made instead. Tiredness kicked in when things improved and then sadness creeped in, when I realised that the weekend isn’t going to turn out how I really wanted… But then I paused and thought to myself that whatever happens in life, happens for the better-this is very, very Russian philosophy by the way!- and things will get better. And you know what? Things did turn around.

I did go to Paris, if only overnight. I saw friends with whom we haven’t kept in touch for a while and now are building a new dialogue. We had a relaxed drinks in the bar and later I saw their kids, who I remember when they were babies. They are bigger now, beautiful and smart and funny and such a joy to be with.

A quick dinner at L’Avenue was very Parisian, with too laid back service which wasn’t annoying, a citron presse and a delicious pasta with morels in a creamy sauce was eaten with flourish while observing pretty waitresses and Jacques Chirac lounging in the corner of the restaurant with his small entourage-business or friends I don’t know but no one in the restaurant batted an eyelid or took pictures-Parisians are just beyond cool in their approach to politicians and celebrities alike, unlike gawking Brits.

 A consierge at the hotel told me to go to Chez Angelina, but as I was leaving the apartment of my friends they told me that another patisserie, called Carette was just a few steps away and I absolutely had to buy macaroons and eclairs there. I happily went and the relaxed atmosphere of an early afternoon that is so Parisian just enveloped me in a big hug.The place was busy with couples with babies, young women drinking hot chocolate, a gentlemen popping in to buy a few treats for themselves, or maybe someone special….I bought a big box of macaroons in flavours like caramel sale, pistachio, mandarin, rose, coffee and chocolate eclairs (a big thank you goes to my friends, as the chocolate in particular was divine-and tasted like a beautiful chocolate eclair should!-my eldest niece can confirm that), and various pasties that were all devoured when the family had a late dessert on Sunday evening.

So you see, the beginning can be bleak, but then the sun comes out, things turn around and life returns to happiness. You just have to appreciate it and know that a sad event is followed by a happy one. All you have to do is to believe and it will happen.

Most of us have lost loved ones-grandparents, parents or friends. If you have experienced death of a loved one, you know the feeling of despair that overwhelms you for a long time, the sadness and the sorrow.

In time you learn to live with the loss and try to remember the person with love, reminiscing of the good times and special memories. In time memories or faces might fade but somehow some people who departed for another place continue to make their presence felt in your life and I am not talking about ghosts visiting you.

Recently I was missing someone very dear to me, feeling sad and tearful. The next day something changed and I realised that not being here this wonderful and smiley person protects me and my family, guiding us towards the right decisions and the right people.  And for that I am grateful, because it gives me courage and makes me a more compassionate human being in the process. Loss can make you bitter but it can also turn your life around, make you correct mistakes or opinions that you have held, and lead to the changes that are necessary for us to move forward and not stay in the past. 

Hope you have kind forces protecting you and your loved one in this world too.

When you are looking after kids full time or are working from home, your social skills might take a beating and your brain might go stale- women who are stuck doing routine tasks will understand what I am talking about. But what if that doesn’t work for you, what if you want to continue being ‘current’ and social and you want your brain to be creatively stimulated?

I have found a perfect solution and I would highly recommend it to any man or woman for that matter. Intelligence Squared organises events called 5 x 15, where interesting people talk about a chosen subject for yes, you guessed it, 15 minutes. The latest event, that I attended, took place in Notting Hill, at a place called Tabernacle where you sit comfortably on your own or with a girlfriend or friends, have a lovely Spanish snack and a glass of wine and listen to completely different people talk about politics, life, humour, music, economics, books-the possibilities are endless as are the subjects for stimulating conversation.

The evening started with a beautiful and self-depreciating, albeit the chosen subject-history of political assassinations-Fatima Bhutto, niece of belated Benazir. She talked about political dynasties, politics and violence, the unique silence when it comes to violence in Pakistan and the nuclear power that has deprived the country of resources and where polio remains uneradicated.

She was followed by a very dapper Andrew O’Hagan who talked about his new book, called ‘The Life and Opinions of Maf the Dog and his friend Marilyn Monroe’-if that doesn’t intrigue you, I would be quite surprised….

15 or so minutes later Terence Blackercame on stage and reduced the audience to piles of laughter with his smart and soulful songs, the one in particular about Brit Anglais who desperately wants to be Francais was beyond words in its originality and humour.

Frances Stonor Saunders added a serious note to the evening with her story of Violet Gibsonwho failed to assassinate Mussolini but was declared insane and put into asylum until the day that she died. The story was sad, evocative and emotional.

Yotam Ottolenghi, the chef who started Ottolenghi in Notting Hill talked about growing up in Jerusalem and a relationship between food and politics. I was fascinated and have to admit that I love the seared tuna and the cakes from his restaurant. There are people who are vegetarian and I am a carnivore who hardly eats vegetables but when you are queuing to buy food and your eyes feast on beautifully presented salads it’s almost hard not to give in.

The evening ended with a sweetly charming Maureen Lipmanand I left the venue to have dinner with my husband and his colleagues, feeling elated, brimming with ideas and emotions evoked by those very different and immensely unique people. In one evening you touch many subject, listen to very different people and get educated in the process. Are you inspired? I was!!

www.intelligencesquared.com

www.5×15stories.com

Waiting lists seem to be everywhere now. My knowledge of waiting lists started with a friend of a friend bemoaning the fact that her father had to wait a couple of years in order to get his custom-made boat and he soooo hated waiting. Then there is the mentioned in hushed tones Hermes waiting list, for Birkin or Kelly bag. Depending on which one you want, the size and the grain of leather and hard-wear it can be anything from one year to two, if you are lucky to be actually put on one. But with boats and Hermes I can understand the work it takes-don’t get me wrong, two completely different categories, but still….

You also have waiting lists for good schools for kids and I remember well how one friend was urging me to put my yet unborn baby down for several primary schools in the area and me refusing, saying I actually needed to deliver a baby first. True, good schools are hard to come by and unfortunately there are no good state schools in our area, so my husband has to work hard, as we won’t compromise on our son getting a good education-after all,he is a boy and will need to support his family one day.

Now there is a waiting list for my local Mini Mozart baby class that we have been attending since my son turned one. It used to be pretty easy-just come on time, pay £8 and enjoy live music, stories and interaction with other kids. Recently I found out that one has to subscribe in order to attend ‘terms’ for that class. I asked for a form, was promised that one will be mailed for me-which never materialised in my mail box and yesterday I was told that there is no place for us but we were put down on a so-called ‘distribution list’ and will be notified when the payment and enrollment for next term will become due. You know what? I think we can live without this class, if one has to subscribe to it. I will just look for alternatives or another, maybe new class, where I can drop at our convenience-after all, you can’t predict if you are going to be able to attend sometimes due to travel, other plans or sickness.

Then there are the waiting list for clothes-seriously, do I want to put your name down for let’s say a dress and then find yourself at the party with another girl wearing the same outfit? That happens too, you know and not everyone can put a smiling face on the situation.

But wait, there are also the waiting lists for make-up. Chanel for example, is really up there on the pedestal in terms of their nail polishes. Every season the PR goes into overdrive, journalist write about the ‘must-have’ colour and the waiting list opens. Ok, last year there was a shade of Chanel’s grey that I really wanted and I chose not to go on the waiting list. I couldn’t find it in any of the Chanel boutiques in London, or Selfridges, Harrods or Harvey Nichols for that matter. On the off chance and annoying my husband in the process, I took him to various Chanel outposts in Paris (and no, we didn’t come to Paris just for that, I am not that crazy!)and actually managed to score the last one available in Paris-no waiting list wait, just some active leg work and pure stubbornness combined with a bit of luck

Last week I popped into Selfridges, hoping to get a new blusher from a well-known brand. I love their products because they are truly fantastic and deliver a flawless perfection-if correctly applied and their make-up artist, who does fashion shows make-up and is an encyclopedia of great advice. I was told that there is a delay in delivery-it was originally scheduled for release in April and oh, there is a waiting list for it…. Did I want my name to be put down for a specific shade ? I laughed, said I don’t go on waiting list for make-up and decided to wait when the blusher eventually goes on general release. Patience is a virtue and I need to practise it more often.

I understand the notion of limited edition pieces (Lanvin porcelain figurines, anyone? They are so pretty!!!) but make-up waiting lists? Seriously, why do we need waiting lists? It’s all being hyped up, for us to be cocooned in the sense of exclusivity when it’s just a clever marketing plot to sell more items and make more money for the brands. Maybe I am growing up or maybe I am just becoming less vain and silly, I just think waiting lists are just not cool and one can always find a suitable alternative. OPI colours are really good, they are cheaper than Chanel and the ‘wear & tear’ of their nail polishes is equally good. Maybe it’s time we went against the marketing grain on all fronts?

I admit to it-I am impartial to browsing through an issue of Hello every week (and yes, it can only be Hello & Grazia, and NOT any other useless weekly rag). And you know what? You simply have to part with £2 and buy it’s latest issue with Sandra Bullock and her happy surprise, adopted baby boy called Louis on its cover.

Sandra is one of those people who you can’t help but respond to. She is cute and she is funny in her movies and she also seems like a lovely person, who smiles and helps and doesn’t have too many airs and graces because of who she is. The down-side to her fame is the constant interest of mere mortals and the inevitable paparazzi, which is doubly difficult if one is going through a tough time.

She recently won an Oscar (see my April’s post on the ‘Blind Side’) and then all hell broke loose, because her husband has been supposedly unfaithful. For any person in love, in a steady relationship it is heartbreaking to realise the person you live with and love is not the person you think they are. But as they say, every cloud has a silver lining and Sandra’s baby boy is just that. She looks serenely happy on the cover and her little boy is so, so cute,even though he looks really serious in the pictures, probably thinking ‘hey, what is the fuss about?’. I hope this little man will bring her immense love and contentment and maybe, there will be a truly  special guy for her in the foreseeable future. But even if there won’t be, one thing is for sure-our kids change our lives for the better, fill it with incredible meaning and love that goes beyond anything.

My heart just melts looking at the two of them, happy amidst the media storm. Congratulations Sandra on becoming a mummy and I think Louis is very lucky to have her and a happy home to grow up in.

I have been going to my local nail bar for years-it’s run by a grumpy Chinese guy and full of non-stop talking Chinese girls who are generally quiet efficient at giving good manis & pedis. I have booked my today’s appointment in the beginning of the week, had a babysitter and was …10 minutes late. When i arrived and apologised, I was told that my appointment was given away to someone else, which left me angry and bewildered.

Honestly, I am a stickler for being on time and this was probably the first time that I was late for my appointment at that particular place. I am a regular and on quite a few occasions I was left waiting, while my ‘usual’ girls finished painting someone else’s nails and came to do mine. I am always living tips and have never been anything but smiley when there and this is what I got, for being 10 minutes late? Someone walked through the door, they didn’t even call me and I ‘kiss the door’.

Call me petty, but I will never go to my ‘usual’ girl for pedicures, as a matter of principle. If you treat someone nicely and get this in return, it’s just not worth it. So much for loyalty in service…..

Ads are part of our everyday life, they are on TV( between and during the programmes), in the magazines, on billboards, so it’s almost impossible not to be influenced by them. But it’s not the ads in general that I want to talk to you here, it’s a specific ad and a specific product.

Vision Express, a chain of opticians that is present on quite a few high streets presents itself as the one looking for individual approach to its clients and their eye test, but from experience I can tell you-approach with caution!

A few weeks ago my son was jumping in our bed on a Sunday morning and he decided to put his finger in my husband’s eye, who in turn, didn’t react quickly enough. The consequence? A teary, painful feeling in the eye. We speedily got dressed up, had breakfast and went to the high street, in the hope that one of our local opticians will have a look at the eye and offer some advice.

The first one was…you guessed it, Vision Express. We came in, explained the situation and asked if the optician was in and whether he would be able to examine my husband. We were assured that it would be no problem, but in 40 minutes. We popped into another optician, David Clulow, but their optician wasn’t available for another hour. We wondered around, me trying to distract my husband, him trying to shield his eye from the sunshine and regularly wiping out the tears, streaming from the eye.

Finally the time came, my husband gave his details and went in…only to come out five minutes later, incensed when the optician refused to examine him, instead wanting to run a full eye test. A note: my husband only recently had his annual eye exam. We did explain the situation in advance but the people working in Vision Express had no desire to ‘tailor make’ the solution for my husband, but very determined to charge him for a full eye test, which he didn’t require. They wasted precious time and offered no help.

In the end we went back to David Clulow, where they kindly fitted my husband in, the optician had a quick look at his eye-which had a scratch-but said that she can’t prescribe the medication and it will be a good idea for my husband to go to Moorefield’s Eye hospital, just to be on the safe side. Do you feel a difference in the approach? And they don’t even run their ads on TV!!!

We did go to the hospital, had the eye checked out and were told that this type of injury ‘was very common, very painful but very easily treatable’. My husband was back to health within a few days.

All I want to say is that you can spend a lot of money on the advertisement and it will be futile, because the people behind the service or product are so bad, you will never go back to them. And when you get good service, you are bound to come back time and time again.

If your life is straight-forward, you take things like good health or having kids for granted. But not everyone is so lucky.

I have several girlfriends who struggled or still haven’t succeeded in getting pregnant and I can’t begin to describe how painful it is for a woman. People ask questions, friends mean well, family tries to be supportive but it doesn’t give you what you want-a healthy baby and takes away your identity as a woman (I am talking about women who want to have kids, because some choose not too and you have to respect their choice). There are lots of books and specialists out there but many of them are more patronising than helpful and a woman often ends up feeling worse and on her own with her fears. But when I opened a book that was published earlier this year by Emma Cannon called ‘The baby-making bible: simple steps to enhance your fertility and improve your chances of getting pregnant’, it grabbed my attention and from the first page I knew that this book might make a difference for many women out there.

I became so curious about Emma that I decided to interview her and even though she has a busy life, she managed to find a slot (albeit a short one) to fit me in.

When I enter her practise, Emma, a beautiful woman, with shoulder length hair, strikingly beautiful eyes and a healthy glow, instantly makes me feel relaxed, tells me to sit down and disappears to make us some tea. Her practise is very un-medical, with grey walls, beautiful flower paintings, pink cushions and kid’s collages adding a welcome touch-it’s hard not to relax, even if your shoulders are burdened with problems.

One of her clients leaves and we settle in for a chat, Emma’s eyes radiating calm and friendliness and the place is intimate and girly, where one feels at ease to talk and get down to the root of the problem. It is only one of the things that makes Emma and her practise different. I remember going to the practise of Gowri Mota, when expecting my son, and her practise looked remarkably impersonal, women being treated side by side, separated by whimsical screens and privacy becoming obsolete.

Emma has done a degree at London’s School of Acupuncture followed by the postgrad course which covered the management of infertile couples. I ask Emma about her childhood and whether someone in her family had a medical background, at which she shakes her head and tells me that it is probably the fact that her father, a general in the Army, had died suddenly and early, in his 50s, made her think about diet and whether some tests could have prevented his untimely death. This shaped her and her way of thinking and led her to help people who struggle to conceive.

Emma says that she is not anti-western medicine. It’s not bad medicine but bad practitioners and often traditional and complementary medicine produce stronger, much more successful results. She mentions that she had a lump in her breast when she was 27 but no one took it seriously, as she was too young. She still wonders if she could have been diagnosed earlier and not at 37, when she was happily married with two young daughters and cancer diagnosis was even more devastating.

She is sure that her background, her attention to the diet and practitioners she knew helped her recover and so far, she is doing well, not so long ago receiving a five year clear. I am sure that it’s her determination to beat this disease and the support of her friends and family that make her who she is. Many people, having battled a disease in the past, prefer to take a day at a time, listen to themselves and become more oblivious to the people around them. Emma chose exactly the opposite, doing her best to help women who struggle to have a longed for baby, help them tune into their bodies and ultimately become healthier in the process.

Emma talked to me about the importance of a good diet, which helps us feel more in control, but then it doesn’t work for everyone, and if a particular client is too controlling as a person, Emma might choose not to try to give dietary guidelines to start with. Her approach is individual, mostly listening to the patient to start with, observing her and then deciding on the best course of treatment.

As with her book, she tries to make a connection and to push a person in the direction right for them. Every one of us is unique, hence we have different reactions and each one of us has inherited strengths (our Jing, as Chinese call it) and weaknesses. Clients can also vary in their needs, some failing to conceive, some having irregular cycles and some already going through IVF. You also have to bear in mind that the result isn’t going to be instant. Emma says that Western medicine often doesn’t address the spirit and our spirit makes each one of us who we really are, underneath the face that we might choose to put on in public.

Emma combines her life experiences and her intuition in her work and she stresses that it is very important to her to hear what her patients are saying. Some people might need a more medically geared approach and some more emotional but it is important to find the key approach to each individual. Of course Emma can’t fix everything but she is intent on giving people the tools and ideas, trying to examine correctly the heart of the matter.

I do ask Emma if it has taken her a long time to write a book and she surprises me by saying it took her about six months to actually write it but that it was based on years of experience of working with the patients. She had strong intentions and wanted to focus on attracting the people she can actually help.

Even though her name is being mentioned more and more often Emma doesn’t seem to be affected by it and I think being level-headed is what you need in a professional like Emma’s. Good reviews might come and go, magazines might be praising you today, moving on to a new practitioner next month, but it is your substance as a professional that serves you and in the end gives you a much bigger chance of success in treating people and helping them realise their dreams.

P.s I have read Emma’s book but don’t want to review it here, as every person will find something useful for herself and Emma did mention to me in passing that there are quite a few reviews on the amazon. It is written in a manner of a caring but knowledgeable friend, who will hold your hand through difficult times and I think many women will find such approach helpful. 

Emma’s book can be ordered via the amazon link below: 

 http://www.amazon.co.uk/Baby-Making-Bible-enhance-fertility-pregnant/dp/1905744560/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1270676642&sr=1-1

Emma’s internet site:  http://www.emmacannon.co.uk/emma/

I was recently reading April’s issue of Red magazine and came across a feature called ‘Come dine with us’. It contained four interviews: with TV presenter Nadia Sawalha, local food promoter Maureen McKenna, organic baker Vicky Harford and PR consultant Alexa Perrin. All those lovely women talked about food, special ingredients and they happiness they feel when they cook.

It made me think of my own childhood, when I was indulged by my mother, aunt and both of my grandmothers, who were wonderful cooks. Each one was different, each one had her special secrets and recipes but just reminiscing about them makes me feel happy. There were many occasions for get-together with family and friends, when everyone-adults and kids-would gather around a big table-no one cared that apartments were small, it was the spirit of being together, eating, drinking, talking, reciting poetry and us, kids, creating mischief.

My father could invite friends at short notice and mum would create amazing feasts and no one left our house without a happy smile on their face. My friends were always indulged and mum always made sure we ate well-or we just weren’t let out from the table. Then there was my grandmother’s meat pie with lots of pastry or my mum’s meat pies that I love to this day. Syrnyky (cottage pie cakes) eaten with sour cream and sugar, jams or dulce de leche (condensed milk), pelmeny (meat dumplings) or a special cake that my mum used to make for my brother’s birthday, with short-crust home made pastry, condensed milk and jam.  My aunt’s creative flair was also unrivalled, she fused russian cuisine with the flavours of the countries that my uncle worked in, be it Venezuela, Mexico or Peru. Or my maternal grandmother’s fried potatoes with meat patties (kotlety) that I can still taste in my dreams, even though she died when I was seven. No one made that dish taste as good ever since. There are so many things that mum makes for us still, when she visits us or we visit her but some recipes are gone, as both of my grandmothers passed away. Some things just cannot be re-created, can they?

Nowadays that art of getting together, for the simple pleasure of the company of the people you care about, is being lost at times. We go out to restaurants (don’t get me wrong, many of them are fun and inspiring) or don’t invite people over, lacking the time or the inclination to cook. And that’s a shame. Yes, it can be a tad stressful, especially if you are expecting a large number of guests, but it doesn’t have to be.

When I am in the kitchen, cooking, it becomes almost a meditative past-time. The flavours coming together and the simple pleasure of feeding the people you love is unsurpassed. Add to that nice juices and wine and kid’s laughter, some tea lights and pretty blooms on the fresh linen and the happy event will be complete.

When I was young mum did all the cooking but when I was close to finishing high school both my mum and my paternal grandmother decided to give me a cookery ‘crash course’-I enjoyed eating but not the cooking at that stage, the pleasure of cooking came later, when I got married and my husband had to be fed-he is a tall guy with an appetite that was a butt of jokes in my family to start with. 

As I don’t live in Moscow currently I miss my family mealsgreatly but we have friends here and being with them makes me think of my childhood. And going to my best friend, for her roast chicken with honey roasted parsnips and carrots, gravy and truffle roast potatoes cannot be compared to anything else-it is just divine. And that is just one of her delicious recipes-she is just a natural cook, who puts in magic ingredients to create dishes that are unforgettable, but easy to make.

As we get older, we add precious pieces to our life and food and our family and friends are a big part of the quilt of life. Doing it more often just makes our lives more happy and complete, don’ t you agree ?

We live in a cynical society where spin is a norm and truth is a shade of lies. But sometimes it almost gets too much for your to bear and you scream from frustration.

I was reading a February issue of British Tatler recently, which has Sharon Stone on its cover. To be honest, she looks absolutely stunning-beautiful hairstyle, flowing dress, tanned skin, toned figure and pretty make-up-what’s not to like, especially when she says that she is 51 and she looks damn hot? Then I read the interview and yet again asked myself a question as to why almost every interview with a well-known cover girl-be it a model, actress, singer or an ‘It girl’ talks about food or rather how she loves it, eats everything she likes and her good looks & trim body are down to her great genes?

Every woman is different-in her looks, in her shape and in her attitude to life. Some of us are naturally pretty and some become pretty when they skilfully apply their make-up or are in love. Some are naturally slim and can get away with eating a lot without gaining an ounce and some put on weight by just looking at the tray of freshly baked croissants. But we all become older, our metabolism slows down and we either have to start paying attention to how and what we eat or our waistline suffers. On top of that our hormones rage, our bodies go through labour and childbirth, we are often under a lot of stress balancing a hundred balls on a daily basis-sounds familiar, right? In the midst of it all we have our celebrities, who live in their own bubble world but on the pages of glossies pretend to be just as normal as we are. My problem with celebrity women like these comes down to the fact that they put unrealistic expectations on normal women’s shoulders.

Famous women depend on their looks. They put a lot of time and I would imagine, effort, in how they look. They have teams of beauticians, therapists, dieticians, nannies, personal trainers etc. to help them. Nothing wrong with that. What is fundamentally wrong, in my opinion, is to say that you have never had anything done when your face and body clearly look quite different to how they used to (you can’t ‘workout’ your face, can you or magically erase wrinkles or body fat).

Our grandmothers and mothers didn’t have plastic surgeons or facialists, their beauty routines were simpler, they didn’t gulp down a wide variety of vitamins, gyms didn’t exist (and if they did, they were quite basic compared to what we have now) and Botox injections weren’t the norm. In our times, I do think that every woman has a right to do whatever she wants with her face or her body in order to look good. If you want to age gracefully, without complicated beauty routines and regular trips to the cosmetic surgeon-great. If you need all that in order to look good in your eyes, again, it’s your choice. But to have things done, hardly eat, workout like crazy and then say that you hardly do anything and it is all down to your gene pool? Come on, we deserve better than that. What’s wrong with coming out and saying ‘yes, I had cosmetic procedures and see, I look fantastic but I also tried this and thas, and I wouldn’t recomend it’? Or ‘yes, I have to watch what I eat, because the camera puts on 20 pounds and I wouldn’t be hired for the role otherwise’.

I know a well-known facialist who has many celebrity clients, a well-known model among them. I always thought she looked great (in the interviews she says it’s down to her active lifestyle and holistic approach). But you know what? She had things done but would never admit to it and that, in my eyes, is unforgivable. Don’t pretend, don’t lie, it’s better not to say anything on the subject rather than say one thing and do quite the other. Women who admire you or aspire to look like you deserve better.

Truth be told, many of us actually look better when we are older. When you are over 30 you are more likely to know who you are, what you want, what suits you and what makes you happy. Armed with all of that we are stronger and more beautiful, be it the way God made us or with a little help from the plastic surgeon. That is the personal choice that deserves respect. Just be honest about it, if asked.

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